sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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