right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
