Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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