You're my little dorito
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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