That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
