I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
