Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
