why didn't you poke me back
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
