You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
