Its about making memories worth repressing
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize