about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
