i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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