areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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