she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
