He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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