What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
time to smoke my breakfast
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
