and you said cock pushups were impossible
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
