"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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