Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
