Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
