i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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