I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
