Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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