im six kinds of drunk right now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think your dad took our porno
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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