hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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