I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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