I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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