Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
