i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
