Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
