Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
