I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
