Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
