Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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