i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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