3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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