youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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