Swine flu. Run for my life!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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