I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
