my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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