I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
