I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
