I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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