if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
