So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
