go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
