The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
