to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
where am i from again
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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