guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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