This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
