I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize