Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
