Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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