help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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