Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
