No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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