Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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