My room smells like vodka and shame
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
