i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
