Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
