He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
