Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Small penises have feelings too.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
