a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
