Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize