So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He? As in you personified your dick?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
