I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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