remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
