They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to calm my uterus...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
