he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
