I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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