Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
