I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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