I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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