Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize