hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How external is "for external use only"?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
